I am not His Queen

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Written October of 2007

I fell in love with a king
who already had a queen
and a kingdom all his own.

I entered his castle and was greeted
by the queen with a smile
and polite conversation.

I asked the king
Can I sit on her throne?
Just for a minute?

He said no,
but as I walked out the door
he handed me her crown.

As I put her crown
on my head, I thought
Oh, what a nice queen I would make.

And so I knocked back
on the castle door
and he let me in.

He took me to her throne
and he made me
his queen for the night.

And I thought I would feel
like royalty
in a perfect palace.

But I felt nothing
but shame
and disgust.

And so I returned
the tarnished crown
to the king’s queen.

And I walked away from
their palace
because I am not his queen.

I am not his queen.

And I saw this in file of my literary rumblings stashed in an old journal of mine. In a very distant time this poem reflects all the searing pain inside me, so I decided to give life to it once again. Not because I am still in the same page but because I’d like to look back, honor the hurts and lessons of my past and feel the gratitude of finally being able to move forward and be where I am right now. This guy was never my King, because a King i can call my OWN arrived 6 years after writing this..The beauty of life..  🙂

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One Day

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Today I saw something that made me feel a sudden rush of warmth inside.

I guess I am happy, oh no wait, I am,in fact, ‘ecstatic’.

Genuinely ecstatic because from her vantage point, she is finally in a very distant yet happy place. She had finally recovered.

And her memories, though now distant and very bleak will still be remembered from time to time. 

Remembered but won’t be lingered on.

And  for you Miss,

Please know that he never thought nor see any less of you. Maybe you two were just not really meant for each other. Maybe it was never a fit in the first place. Maybe you and him were just, as what you’ve said, a chapter in a book but was never a story. Maybe the aches and hurts were needed so both of you will come out of it as new and improved person.

I do hope that one day, you will also look back your times with him with a radiant smile instead of a bitter heart.

One day. I sincerely hope that you will

Thank you for completely letting him go.. Thank you for cutting him loose. ‘Coz when you did, He became mine. Thank you for giving him the chance to be happy with someone else.

May diligo vos mereo mereor eventually reperio vos.