The feeling of incompetency is plaguing me again. There’s that voice inside my head telling me I’m no good. My limitations are once again crippling me. The shadows of doubts, devouring my efforts to be better.
I am led to a lot of questions. Can I really write? Am I really good at writing? Or perhaps I am just delusional? Too blinded to see that the pieces I wrote are just that, PIECES! Fragments of nothing. Meaningless ranting. Useless outburst.
Yes, I am drowning in negativism. I am consumed with self-loathing. And it hurts. It stings. Badly.
I don’t know where I am heading or if I am really heading somewhere. All I know is I’m stuck. Here, in a limbo. In this senseless in between. Where the punches of my yesteryear and the pay back hits are beating me to a pulp and reminding how little I accomplished. At 7 years past 20, I am still a vague being with no solid identity. No legacy to leave behind. No memories worth remembering. No words worth sharing.
I tried to fix my eye on the goal. I tried to see where I wanted to be. Who I wanted to be. But the view is hazy. My sight is obscured. Clouded by doubts. Hindered by self pity.
But I will try again. Tomorrow, when the dim memories of the night are washed away by the brightness of the rising sun. When the dawn offers a new hope. When the cape of darkness is abolished by broad daylight
I will dream again. I will aim again. I will fight again. I swear I will.