An Ode to my Kids.

amotherslove

I was 21, 24 and 26 when you guys came into my life.
Far too young for some, a little too immature for most.
I was a little girl myself. Too afraid to confront the fact that I am now a woman.
A mother.
Believe me when I say, I had no idea what I will do. No clue what I was doing.
And I still don’t up until this day. So forgive me.
Forgive mommy.

 

Raven, forgive Mommy if she’s not always there to help you with your home works or if she can’t explain what greater than and less than is or why the butterfly wings are powdery or why the boys are sometimes mean. Know that she really wanted to, but sometimes she’s horribly limited to help you explore your knowledge. Wisdom is not her strongest suit, but she tries. She asked around, she reads, she’s doing what she can so she can better explain Mathematics and butterflies and boys to you.

 

Kendra, forgive Mommy if she always nag you whenever you are asking endless questions about Mentos and bubble gums and why trip to Jerusalem is just a game. Know that she is not mad at you. She can never be. She never will be. She is just afraid that her answers will steer you wrong or worst, she might not have any answers at all.

 

Urijah, forgive Mommy if she won’t let you watch Planes or Cars all the time. Or if she won’t let you eat all the sweets that you want and drink all the Coke that you can fit in that tiny little tummy. Know that she wanted to give the whole world to you. But she doesn’t want you to be rotten spoiled. She wants you to understand that you cannot always have what you want because that is not the way the world goes round. It never is.

 

Forgive Mommy if she yells when all three of you are rowdy and loud and unruly. Mommy wants to handle your tantrums well but sometimes she’s far too tired to endure. Too preoccupied to have enough patience.

 

Forgive Mommy if she is not always there for you three. If she always ask Yaya to take you. Know that she loves you very much and will give anything just so she can spend all the time in the world with you. But she is just human who needs to sleep and rest and sometimes have fun so she can better work for all three of you. So she can save enough money to give you the future that you deserve.

 

Forgive Mommy, if she forgets that she already has the three of you. Sometimes she feels unloved and she forgot that three little angels loves her endlessly. Sometimes she cries because she is afraid she will grow old alone and she lost her mind and didn’t even realize that when you three grows old, you will care for Mommy. Forgive Mommy if she always forgets that having you means she never have to be alone.

 

Forgive Mommy if she is not like any other mommy. Forgive her if you will grow up with a separated mommy and daddy. She tried all her might to give you a wonderful home and family but sometimes it is not the kind that the society perceives to be the norm. But always know that she will try her best to be a Mommy and a Daddy and all the things that you will need her to be.

 

Mommy is not perfect. She is human with one too many mistakes. She is a lot of things that one wishes she’s not. But please know that she is trying. Trying her best to be the worthy of you three. Trying her hardest so you can be proud of her.

 

Forgive mommy, my angels, forgive mommy….

 

 

-MargeFerreria 06.27.16

 

 

Advertisements

WALLS.

walls

 

Build walls, as high as the sky, stronger than the hardest steel. Build walls no one can go through. Build walls as impenetrable as the deepest secret of the world. BUILD WALLS.