I imagined meeting you again, in a different time when the wounds are all healed and the scars are too. I imagined seeing you in the most unexpected of places, in the least expected time because that is how it must go.
I’ll be standing in front of you like I am seeing you for the first time. And you will stare at me like a newly met stranger, no past, no present, both unknown to each other.
I will smile at you in recognition and you will give me a slight nod. An indication that somehow, you still remember the girl you used to hold in your arms.
Suddenly all the memories will seem to come back in blurred details. How I laughed when you make silly faces. How we ardently team up in Heroes Evolved. How I am the mage to your tank. How we try to solve each other’s assignment. How we beat each other’s routine in the gym. How we gulp down muchos of beers. And how you realize that time was not on our side. And how I break down that night and cried in your arms one last time.
One last time.
Perhaps God fated us to meet again. One last time. May it be for the closure that never was or for a proper goodbye, but never for a second chance.
But still I will thank God for bringing you right there and then.
I imagine keeping a comfortable distance in between us because anything going beyond that line will go past of what should be.
“Nami.” You’ll say to me. And I will remember your voice that annoys the hell out of me when you sing. The voice that keeps me sane during my thesis debacle. The voice that once shattered my heart.
“Nice to see you.” I’ll say, wanting to whisper “again” but then just offering my hand to you. Not the best greeting I can offer to someone who was once my sun and stars, but that will have to do.
Your hand will meet mine and you will give it a light squeeze. And maybe I will be reminded of all the details of your hand. The hand that I loved so much before. The hand that I prayed to God would never leave mine, until it did.
For others, awkwardness is how we may seem to look. But for us, it was a nostalgic feeling for that familiarity once shared. The feeling of stumbling into something that used to be yours, forever belonging to another.
Someday, somehow it will all make sense. Why I will stand right in front of you and not beside you. Why the ring on my left finger was given by someone else who is not you. Why there is only you and me, and no longer an us.
Someday, I imagine seeing you again. Happy in another girl’s arms while I run back to the one who loves me the way you couldn’t.
And someday it’s going to make sense.
Someday, we will get the kind of love we never got from each other, the kind we truly deserve.
Someday, I will meet you again in a different time. When all is forgiven and forgotten. When the love lost is found once again in someone else’s arms.
Someday, I will meet you again in the most unexpected of places, in the least expected time because that is how it must go.
And that will answer why we let each other go.
Hasta la proxima vez Yummy.