A few weeks back, my life started spiraling out of control.
The love of my life left me, I lost my job, a threat of being evicted from my apartment is looming over my head and a possiblity that I will not be able to finish my degree is in the horizon.
My life was literally in chaos. From having a normal routinary life, I was suddenly thrown into an endless pit of desolation. My future has never been that bleak that I saw no reason to actually go on. I kept on thinking that perhaps, dying is actually the next adventure I needed to take. That maybe, this world have had enough of me that it is forcing me to let go.
And then, someone told me that when you hit rock bottom, there is actually no way to go but up. And that cliche as it maybe but often times, a lot of things are being taken away from you just so you can have something better tomorrow.
I tried thinking of what I lost, and I tried harder to see what I can and will eventually gain.
So inch by inch, I decided to move. I tried fighting the demons being hurled at me day after day. I cried alone, let despair swallow me whole, felt every pain that is demanding to be felt then I wipe my tears dry, and with all the broken bones and a shattered heart, I forced myself to live and fight another day.
I cannot say that I am out of the woods yet. I still weep for the love I lost, the chances that I will never get and the vague memories of the life I thought will be mine.
But now I landed a new job with great and comprehensive benefits, I am having my own house renovated, I just enrolled for my last year as a Broadcasting student and above all, I am learning to love who I am without a shadow of anyone else.
I still have a long and gruelling journey ahead of me, but if there’s one thing I have learned from this ordeal, its that at the end of the day, all you got is you. And you have to know that with all your brokenness, you are still worth another shot. Also, no matter what you do, life is not built to be fair, so all you can do is gather what is left of you and pray that it is enough to thread another battle.
BTW, a huge shout out to all the people who never left me. You all know who you are. Thank you for giving me a lot of reasons to fight.